Holy hormones!

Ah, hormones--such odd little things. I regarded my pregnancy ones with curiosity and amusement for the most part, although it should be said this was AFTER the actual hormonal episodes that ranged from crying at the trailer for Life of Yao, a documentary about a Chinese basketball player, to total rage at Nate for all the ways in which he could some day leave me for someone else. I was totally unpredictable most of the time, but it was also so great to have an excuse for the most erratic behavior, even when it was part of my normal way of doing things.

And then there were the post-partum hormones. Those mostly manifest themselves in tears and bouts of deep, deep insecurity, but I was lucky enough to call mine fleeting. I got the blues, but they moved on quickly.

Now, months out, I find myself mostly even except for the new MONTHLY hormonal attacks, as I have now returned to the leagues of menstruating women despite lactating more than seems necessary with a 5 month old child (I know, more information than most of you needed to know, but I'm providing context here). This new little emotional surge is way more intense than I ever experienced pre-pregnancy, information I'll be placing on my "No one told me" list under the column heading "Ways in which having a kid totally fucks with your body and life." Hormones will be listed right between my rearranged ass (I swear there are now two whole asses back there) and literally bottomless laundry hamper.

Here are things I have cried about today:

1. A story on NPR about the huge party the city of Detroit is throwing for the homeless during Superbowl weekend--not to actually let them get warm and fed, really, but to keep them away from the tourists.

2. The many, many emails alums of the private school I work for have sent to us to pass on to Bob Woodruff, the ABC News anchor who was seriously injured in Iraq over the weekend. I love the high school memories they are sharing as part of their tributes, and the mushy get-well wishes aren't helping either.

3. Working with morons who are passive aggressive and love to ruin people's days.

4. Elliot Smith. I don't know why. I just think it's so sad he died, and I love his music. I've been listening to "Clementine" all day. Now I'm thinking of River Phoenix and how sad it is that he's dead too. I'm not crying, though.

5. The idea that darling C. will one day have her feelings hurt by a friend or peer at school (this was while I was watching some middle school girls freeze out another little girl at the lunch table). Then, the idea that she will be the one doing the hurting.

It's not even that late in the day, and I've gotten weepy 5 whole times. This is like being pregnant all over again. Someone pass the chocolate ice cream!