Hump Day

Today is very sunny, but my disposition is not. I don't know if it's S.A.D. (February can be sooooo gloomy and long in Michigan) or what, but I'm a little down. There are the regular things to bitch about: I hate dropping a smiling, lovely little Clementine at daycare every morning and getting a cranky, irritable thing back come afternoon (it's like the worst bank transaction ever); work is draining; I can never get everything I need to do in a day (errands, laundry, bill paying, cooking, cleaning, planning, writing, thank you notes, etc.) done. But then there is the other stuff. Is motherhood isolating? I feel like it is sometimes--that we're just a little island of a family without much connection to anything or anyone else, especially those who don't know what parenting is like. Maybe it's also our age, our stage in life. There is so much planning and scheduling involved in seeing other people that it rarely happens spontaneously. We can't just drop by people's houses like we used to. I had a whole afternoon free on Monday with Clementine and couldn't find anyone with whom to enjoy it. Don't get me wrong--I loved being with her alone, but it was sunny and bright and Nate was gone until late. I just wanted a little company. And then there is the effort it can take to leave the house with darling C. and all her gear. It feels Herculean at times, and it seems so much easier to just stay home, to burrow into ourselves.

I know I'm whining. It's just that kind of damn day. I know in my heart how lucky I am to have such a great little family with N. and C., and I love our time together more than anything. I think I'm just looking for a little excitement, a little adventure. It must be time to start planning for summer vacation. We were looking online at FloydFest in Virginia, but it's harder to be a spontaneous camper when you're bringing a kid, a breast pump and flushable diapers along. Wow, when I type it all out like that, it doesn't sound like much fun at all...