Or my wonky eye. Or my propensity to cheat at cards. Let her inherit my good teeth or even my height (a little on the short side), but please oh please oh please do NOT let her inherit my social awkwardness. It will cause her enough distress to have a socially awkward mother who cannot make or maintain normal friendships with the parents of her playmates, so please don't make things worse by making her socially awkward as well.Please.
I was really thinking I had this licked--in fact, I went out this week with my friend Courtney and hung out with her friend Liz and had a great time. I even talked. I had things to say! I wasn't a freak show, and I totally made a new friend. So I know it can be done.
But then I went to this neighborhood celebration downtown and encountered a bunch of parents my age who had kids close to Clementine's age, and I was once again the quiet, unable to connect type who just gazes upon her child and follows her around in order to avoid social contact. It's not that I didn't try--I did. But I did some awkward shit in trying to connect with other parents (and I think therein truly lies the problem: my experiences with parenting are what I'm least confident about, so forming acquaintances based on this one common idea, that we are all parents, is toughest for me because I'm so insecure about what the hell I'm doing). One mom said, "I work for a judge," and I, desperate to connect on some level, said "I am best friends with a judge!" Leaving aside the fact that I was totally the girl in the front row of class screaming "Pick me! Pick me!" it's not like I lied--it's just that using the word "best friend" to describe important people in your life who are over 60 is totally weird and not quite right. If I'm not the "Pick me!" girl, then I sound like one of those girls in high school who calls her mom her "best friend"--even if it's true, it implies an inability to connect with people your age. Duh! I have that in spades.
To complicate matters even further, a few of these parents are bloggers, and I still haven't figured out how to handle that in social situations. Do I walk up to the woman I recognize from her photos and say, "Hey! You always write about how socially awkward you are...I'm socially awkward, too! Let's be friends!" Do I have to fess up right away: "I read your blog," so she knows I know? Instead, I handled it by NOT talking to her at all, by not introducing myself (Courtney did, but she's going to be mayor of friggin' Detroit some day because she knows people EVERYWHERE we go--we're friends because she has enough social skills to make up for my complete lack of them). I was better at talking to the parents of a little girl who is very close to Clementine's age. They blog too, but I only discovered theirs a few days ago and am not as steeped in their life and exploits. I did want to make out with the mom when she explained that her daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 14 months--a kindred spirit! No, I didn't actually TRY to make out with her, but I did have to resist the urge to desperately clutch at her and her husband and say, "Please let us skip over these awkward first encounters--I am not good at these things. I am better with time. I am funny. My husband makes odd stuff and we are good for a laugh and our house is very fun to visit. It doesn't matter if you never really like me--we have kids, and I want my kid to play with your kid, who doesn't live in the hillbilly heaven where our house is, who wears Chucks and BabyLegs and is very cute, who won't teach Clementine to use racial slurs. Please, for the love of all that is holy, let us be parent friends and go to the zoo and eat dinner in restaurants at 5:30 so we can still do our bath and bed routine." Or something like that. Instead, I said "Nice meeting you" and followed Clementine around as she wandered through the park aimlessly after the dogs who were all there dressed up for the dog parade.
I feel bad that I'm not able to make friends who have kids because Clementine LOVES being with babies and toddlers and kids of all ages. Within a 10 minute drive of my house, I hang out with exactly 1 family with child. There are a few more kids in our life if I'm willing to drive further, and I don't want to denigrate the amazing friends I have with older kids or no kids at all--they are the light and love of our small, biological family-less Detroit lives. But who do I call on a beautiful morning to go to the park with us? Who has a kid that Clementine can tickle and hug (her favorite bonding activities)? Hudson is going to get sick of us if we're not careful.
I'm being pulled out the door to go ride over to our breakfast place. Nate is almost done converting our '83 Mercedes to run on veggie oil--if he works enough today, we'll have our inaugural ride by sunset. We're heading out to the a party with The Judge (see, I told you we're best friends) and his wife tonight--it's a surprise birthday, and SURPRISE! we don't have a gift yet. To do, to do. Happily it's distracting me from the fact I'm back to work tomorrow. Yes, we're back to that: I just don't want to go. Ever.
3 comments:
I think the most important part of getting past social awkwardness is to decide to do so, at least it was for me. So I think you're well on your way!
Here's a trick that works for me. Make it your goal in a conversation to get the other person talking about themselves, and then be a good listener. So when someone says "I work for a judge," don't come back with a similar fact about yourself. Instead come back with a question where you ask them to keep going somehow. Maybe something like these:
"Cool, what's that like?"
"Have you been doing that long?"
"How did you get into doing that?"
"Would you like to be a judge some day?"
If they ask a question about you, be modest and downplay your answer, then at the first opportunity ask another question about them.
People usually love to talk about their own lives. If you can get them doing it, they will think you are a wonderful conversationist -- even though THEY did all the talking :o)
Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay
Ohhh, Andrew...I got some problems, swing by my place?
PRM - I'm right there w/ya and if we ever actually meet up, I'm OK if you just say "nice to meet you" and go running in the other direction b/c I'll be doing the same thing. But Cricket and Clementine can stay and make out.
oh hush. you aren't awkward at all. I loved the response "I'm best friends with a judge" and I've been puzzling over it (in a good way) since we met. Yesterday I saw your friend's picture around the courthouse and it made me think of you and clementine and wonder how you were. And it made me think that I wanted to talk to you some more.
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