Although I may never again have much time for myself (except between Clementine's 5 a.m. feeding and my 7 a.m. departure), working hasn't been quite as bad as I expected. I don't feel like I miss all of Clementine's day, and when I get home it is very easy to make the entire evening all about her. When I was home with her, I was trying to fit quick emails and chores in around my time with her, but I can knock a lot of those out at work and come home ready to be all about baby. Of course, that leaves little room for other things in my life like...well...a life, but I did find time last week to return to Punk Fitness and even hang out in a bar with a friend. When my life is super busy, I feel so much more organized and directed, and I think this whole working thing has helped me get some things in order.
Having said that, I'm still not sure it's all a win win win situation. Nate is home with Clementine now, so I get to hear about all her adventures and milestones, even if they are tiny and minute. That will certainly change when she enters daycare, but I'm trying to think that there are good changes inherent in her more independent existence in a larger, less Clementine-centric environment. It still gets me down, but I'm trying hard to be positive. Just factoring in the drop-off and pick-up times with my morning commute, the whole getting me ready and getting baby ready (then the actual work day) makes me feel like I'm going to spend the majority of my waking hours as a working mom thinking of the next thing that has to happen to keep the machine in motion, and that concerns me quite a lot. I've worked hard to help Clementine live in the moment with us, and I shudder to think of getting her super regimented and inflexible. I think that can kill a spirit pretty quickly, especially her developing one.
Speaking of spirit-killing enterprises: Christmas shopping. Why don't any of us have the guts to just tell people not to buy us obligatory gifts? I get the whole Christmas-is-for-the-kids thing, but so many people don't! I hate having to create a huge list of presents for people I never see and hardly know, and I'm sure most of them hate receiving those "thoughtful" gifts as well. Can't we just cancel it? The only reason we keep it up is because we get huge boxes of stuff every year and feel the need to reciprocate. It so totally goes against the meaning of the season.
But I digress. I've gotta get moving. I worked from home this morning and need to get to the office to finish my day.
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